Just found this hilarious piece in my drafts and thought it was too funny not to post. I was waiting to find some old photos to embellish it before I hit ‘publish’, but sadly I think they’re lost in the ether now. Devastating, I know! But here it is anyway.
You’ve come to the right place if you sadly missed out on the scene phase of 2007/8, and don’t quite have the balls to go all in. This was me. Age 13, sitting at the edge of it all and desperately wanting the massive hair and Skins lifestyle but severely missing the mark. (I was 13! What do you expect?)
I took the ‘kooky’ agenda and ran with it. I ran as far as Matalan. What 13 year old kid in their scene prime didn’t wear Matalan? I wore a summer dress with purple footless tights and thought I was the edgiest fucking quirk out there. Me? Jeans? I was *so* above jeans.
…unless they came in zebra stripe, purple or green. I remember ordering jeans in these three colours from Criminal Damage, the scene clothing catalogue of DREAMS (yes, catalogue), and wearing them probably once each in public. I was so into it on the inside but the predominantly white, middle-class British town I lived in was not ready for my garms.
I was so desperate to ~express myself~ with my hair and makeup choices too. On my final day of Year 8, just turned 13, I decided I was over brown hair. It was so BORING and MAINSTREAM and life’s too short to be a slave to the masses. I went to the salon my Mum uses and got my hair dyed ketchup red.
Bare in mind this was still three years before Rihanna would debut her incredible LOUD era red hair, and even two years before Cheryl Fernandez-Versini would come out on the X Factor with her L’Oreal Casting Creme gloss mahogany red hair that everyone went on to copy. Puberty was well and truly in full swing, so *my* red hair of 2007 was nicely stuck to an oily forehead set against cheeks scattered with acne.
Make-up was, thankfully, a bit less of an issue: it’s only in the past couple of years that I’ve properly taken an interest in makeup, and I’ve always invested in products that give me the soft, ‘natural’ look. That being said, it makes the whole thing more tragic to imagine me, red-haired and in bright, garish clothes without a scrap of makeup. It just hammered home how much of a child I still was. I am thrilled, speaking in hindslight, that past me never tried the raccoon eyes or uploaded such a look to the Internet. Thinking about what could’ve been gives me a headache.
It was a tough time to look me in the eye, all in all. An ensemble only a mother could love.
Now that you’ve got the clothes, hair and makeup down, the next natural step is to showcase your look in the best way possible. It’s common knowledge that before the selfie became widely recognised and celebrated, scene kids on Myspace were paving the way with the infamous ‘hold the camera way above you and look to the side!!’ angle. Makes your face look thinner and your soul blacker. Fact.
At this point I would be more than happy to inundate you with *my* selfies, straight from my Bebo page, but I’ve just discovered that Bebo has gone! Kaput! Completely!! All these years I’ve gone back to my page (for some reason my brain decided to retain my old URL, for times like this clearly) to show friends these selfies and have a good old laugh. But now I can’t. Bugger.
I guess you’ll just have to recreate the look yourself…